Saturday, February 1, 2014

Insecurities of an almost graduate

Looking back at the past few years I've been through many fantastic changes. I conquered the Baltics in my very own way, changing my place of residence almost every half a year. It has been an educative and fruitful time which definitely shaped my personality. I didn't plan the whole adventure in advance, nevertheless, I always tried to have things to look forward to. It usually worked out to settle my plans half a year before starting them, which for me felt like a comfortable time span. Yet, in planning what to do in half a year from now I stumble upon a big fat question mark. With a little effort I should definitely manage to finalize my master degree successfully upcoming summer. But, what's next?

I have no idea where to go. There is no single city where the majority of my friends are, since they're scattered around the globe. That brings me to another uncomfortable issue. All of my best friends have been participating in exchange programs and many of them suffered from post-Erasmus depressions. Well, depression is maybe a big word, but at least they felt a certain degree of unease a few weeks till a few months after their return. The ones telling me about their blue feelings have in general been away for a semester or two only. I've been away since 2009. I'm extremely curious if this notorious feeling among exchange students will also struck me. Or, can I maybe procrastinate the start of serious adulthood a little by keep on living abroad for a while?

It might be a little early, but besides writing my thesis I've been searching for job opportunities already a bit lately. That doesn't particularly make me happy. I didn't come across any suitable journalism placements. Maybe I'm looking at the wrong places. Do I want to go back to my home town Emmen? Small chance there will be a challenging job in which I can carry out my interest for creative writing and even get paid a decent salary for it. Should I go to Amsterdam and try my luck there? Hm... Not sure about that. I'd rather go to Iceland. Or Finland. Or Norway. Even if it would just be for a year or two, to gain some work experience but still to have this excitement of being abroad. But, working abroad within the field of journalism and communication without knowledge of the local language; hard one.

During potential job searches many close to silly thoughts came up in my mind. Why am I not joining a short study program at a practical school and become a technician? Why am I not travelling around the globe performing as a professional tap dancer (ha, if only I could!). Why am I not going to change my life completely and work on a farm in Iceland for a while? Too many weird questions. No answers. I think I saw the light this week (I actually did, because it was nicely sunny). I realized there's no point in looking for jobs at the moment. I'll just wait and see, later. For now I just have to try to make the best out of my thesis and to enjoy my days in Lithuania to the fullest. It's nice to be here actually, very nice. 

Kaunas, January 2014

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